Glass Buffer used on Genitals

In a startling survey of tasting room employee practices, over two-thirds of responders freely admitted to using the glass-buffing apparatus on their genitals, not to mention face, armpits and anal cavity.

Becky Kellerman of the Wine-Tasting Quality Association asserted, “I don’t know which is worse, the fact that this has been common practice, or that it was widely admitted with such shocking candor. I wish we had put that question in the survey years ago.”

Apparently, many tasting room employees have long been seduced by the whirling phallic brushes of microfiber twine, transfixing in their motion and warmed by a hot, continuous blast of sultry air, however it wasn't confirmed until this survey that winery employees have been recklessly and remorselessly furbishing their unmentionables along with the stemware.

“I polish around five-hundred glasses a day,” says Christopher Evenson of Bello Dono Winery. “I mean, it’s right there,” he said, referencing his crotch height.

A special investigation has been promised by the WTQA to assess the plausibility of keeping employee genitalia out of the glass buffers completely, or if it is more efficacious to provide a “genital only” buffer for employees.